The Melancholy of Ryoko Asakura
by Idolmaster Yamada
Summary: One day, after Haruhi says that she wants to be an alien, Kyon finds Ryoko Asakura in her place the next day. But when Mikuru begins to disappear, the only way for her to return is to get them to switch their positions back! Rated T for future language and romance.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while! It's just I have so much author's block... Anyway, I thought, "What would happen if Haruhi was the Data Humanoid Interface who tried to kill Kyon, and Ryoko was the God who runs the SOS Brigade?" Follow the tales of the new SO_A_ Brigade!**

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**Chapter One**

Haruhi sighed. It's only been a year since SOS Brigade started up, and Haruhi was depressed. "What's up, Haruhi?" I had to ask. "It's just...what if _I _was the alien I was looking for?" Haruhi asked. Wow, now I was taken aback. Haruhi, an alien? No way, she's a god. Although she doesn't know this, of course. Haruhi then got up from her seat and announced, "Alright, dismissed!"

I walked home all by myself that day, having a lot on my mind. I mean, sure, Haruhi is basically an alien herself, with her odd personality. But is she really serious, about wanting to be an alien? If that's the case, then by tomorrow, she might switch places with Yuki Nagato or Emiri Kimidori. Those two are Humanoid Interfaces or whatever, and a part of this entity thing. Ryoko Asakura was one, as well, but once, when she tried to kill me and Nagato defeated her, she vanished into thin air. If Haruhi switched places with Asakura-san, she'll be killing herself. Besides, I would love to have a girl like Nagato lead that group we're in, the SOS Brigade.

I went to sleep that night thinking about this. When I go to sleep, I'll wake up with another girl sitting behind me in class, that's for sure. As I slept, I recalled that time where Asakura-san was dead.

The next day, as expected, Haruhi didn't come to class. I was relieved, in a way. But the girl who came in and sat in the seat behind me wasn't one I was expected. Sure, she was wearing the same sailor uniform as Haruhi always did, but instead of short, brown hair and brown eyes, she had long, blue hair and blue eyes. This girl was...Ryoko Asakura! "Asakura-san! What the heck are you doing here?" I screamed. "What are you talking about, Kyon? I've been here the whole time!" Asakura-san said. _Oh, my god. If Asakura-san is here, _I thought. _Then Haruhi is dead!_ I had to fight throughout the entire day to avoid tears. However, during the club meeting, I couldn't avoid the tears any longer.

"Hey, Kyon, is there anything wrong?" Asakura-san asked. "It's just...Haruhi..." I whispered. "You mean Haruhi Suzumiya? She transferred to Canada, remember?" Asakura-san responded. Okay, when Asakura-san, or Haruhi in this case, was defeated, Nagato made it so she transferred to a school in Canada. "I remember," I lied. I felt a tap on the shoulder. When I looked back, it was Itsuki Koizumi, flashing me his obviously fake smile. "If you come with me, I can explain the situation," he whispered. However, when tried to escape, Asakura-san blocked our only exit and declared, "You two aren't going anywhere! We're about to go on our search for aliens, time travelers and espers!" Oh, good grief. Not only did Asakura-san and Haruhi switch places, but they switched _desires_, too.

Sure enough, we met up at the same cafe that the SOS Brigade would always meet up at that Saturday. Asakura-san took out 5 toothpicks (okay, is this ringing any bells?), but I couldn't see any lines on them. That meant that it was in the middle. Sure enough, I got one of the toothpicks with a line on it, but to my dismay, so did Koizumi.

"So, what were you going to say earlier?" I asked Koizumi once we were as far away from Asakura-san, Nagato, and Mikuru Asahina as possible. "Ah, yes. Suzumiya-san and Asakura-san have-" he began, until I cut him off with, "Switched places and personalities?" "You took the words right out of my mouth. How did you know, anyway?" Koizumi asked. "I noticed 3 days ago," I replied. Yeah, the day I realized about Asakura-san being the leader of the SOS Brigade on a Wednesday. "Yes, not long after Suzumiya-san expressed her desire to become an alien did she switch places in the world with Asakura-san. Suzumiya-san's godlike powers aescaped her body and went into Asakura-san's, and the other way around as well. As a result, Suzumiya-san suddenly vanished from existance, and Asakura-san took her place," Koizumi explained. "English, please," I mumbled. "What I mean is, Suzumiya-san is dead and Asakura-san is alive, and they also swapped powers," Koizumi explained. "If Haruhi wanted to be an alien, she could've switched places and powers with Nagato. Then she would still be alive," I said. "Actually, while walking home from school that day, I actually heard Suzumiya-san consider suicide," Koizumi responded. That made me mad. "WHAT?" I yelled. "While walking home from school-" Koizumi began, but I interrupted him again. "I know what you said. It's just that...why would Haruhi even _think_ about killing herself?" I asked. "Oh. From what I heard, Suzumiya-san was attracted to you, but you liked Asahina-san, so she just wanted to be a dead alien," Koizumi explained. That sentence made me freeze. _Haruhi liked me? _I thought. I was snapped out of my thoughts when my phone rang. I picked it up, and sure enough, it was Asakura-san. "Hello?" I said. "Kyon! You and Koizumi have been gone for too long!" she yelled. "It's only been 5 minutes," I told her. "No! It's been an hour! Get back to the station, RIGHT NOW!" Asakura-san yelled. Once I closed my phone, I looked at my watch. 6:30. When we left to find whatever Haruhi, or Asakura-san in this case, would be wanting to look for, it was 5:30. I looked at Koizumi and asked, "Koizumi, how long have I been right here?" "Approximately 40 minutes," he replied, smiling that smile again. Oh, dang! I grabbed Koizumi by the arm and raced back to the station.

"You're late! Penalty!" Asakura-san yelled. "And what will this 'penalty' be?" I asked, having no idea what she's talking about. "We're going back to the cafe for dinner! And when we do, you're paying!" Asakura-san screamed in response, pulling my face to her face with the collar of my shirt. I groaned. Just like Haruhi.

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**And that's the first chapter! And please, review! No insults, or you'll get it! I've probably recieved enough from Madoka no zetsubou!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it took so long! It isn't my fault I didn't get to get on the computer for a few days! Anyway, I decided to base this chapter on The Melancholy of Haruhi-chan Suzumiya. I don't own that, by the way, nor do I own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.**

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**Chapter Two**

"Haruhi Chuzumiya has returned!"

I could have sworn, I heard a voice who declared that. Whoever said that sounded a lot like Haruhi. I shrugged that off and kept walking, until something got on my face. It was hanging on tight onto my face, and wouldn't let go. I finally managed to get it off, and right there, in my hands, was a miniature version of Haruhi. Ha, that's ridiculous! Haruhi, being as tiny as a basketball! Wait a second, what is she doing here in the first place? I had to scream and drop her.

"So, Kyon, ya think you can just let Yuki Nagato defeat me and leave me dead? Well, you've got another thing coming!" Chibi Haruhi screamed. "What the heck are you doing here anyway?" I asked. "I had revived myself, and now, I will kill you for sure!" Haruhi replied, taking a knife out of her skirt pocket. I gotta admit, I'm surprised she can even _hold_ that thing! I mean, it was twice as long as herself! Anyway, she charged for me until two hands were suddenly wrapped around her waist. I looked from Haruhi to the owner of the two hands, who was none other than Nagato. "There is no need for that, Haruhi Chuzumiya," she said in her blank voice. Haruhi looked up to her and complained, "Yuki, let me go right now so I can kill Kyon!" I was confused now. "Nagato? What are you doing here?" I asked. Nagato then got up, Haruhi still in her hands, and said, "Come." Then she turned around and began to walk away. Left with no other option, I followed her to her house. There, I found everything the way it was the last time I visited Nagato. But something was a little off….

"What's with the balloon dog?" I asked. "My name is Kimidori. Call me Kimidori-san," the dog began talking all of a sudden. "WHY THE HECK IS IT TALKING?!" I screamed. "All will be revealed after Yuki tells you," Haruhi replied. Man, she's really _got_ to stay out of it. Nagato and I sat at the same table that we sat at when she told me she was an alien. It was quiet until Nagato began talking. "Not long after Ryoko Asakura, or, in this situation, Haruhi Suzumiya, has disappeared, she turned into a chibi named Ryoko A_ch_akura, or, in this situation, Haruhi _Ch_uzumiya," she said. "It's true! Ryoko Asakura does not yet know this, as her memory got erased when her place in the world switched with mine. I, however, remember," Haruhi added. "WHO CARES ABOUT THAT?! WHAT THE HECK IS WITH THE TALKING BALLOON DOG?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Haruhi pointed her knife at my throat and warned, "Insult Kimidori-san, and I kill you." That made me flinch, and I allowed Nagato to continue. "What Haruhi Suzumiya has said is true. She is now a Data Humanoid Interface, and Ryoko Asakura is the god," she continued. "Wait a minute. I was a god?" Haruhi interrupted, now being the one who's confused. "Well, of course you are," I thought out loud, making me slap my hands over my mouth. Haruhi looked at me in shock and asked, "Kyon! You knew about this?!" I groaned. Me and my big mouth.

"Haruhi Suzumiya, you have lost your powers, and they have been replaced by Ryoko Asakura's. I shall warn you, do not use your new powers, or you'll just get smaller," Nagato warned Haruhi. "SHUT UP, NAGATO-SAN! I HAVE THE POWERS OF AN ALIEN, AND I CAN USE THEM WHENEVER I WANT!" Haruhi screamed at the top of her lungs. I gotta admit, that was HILARIOUS.

"Yuki! Are you here?"

Oh, dang it! It's Asakura-san! She's going to find out about the chibi Haruhi!

When she saw Haruhi, she asked Nagato, "Y-Yuki, w-w-what is Haruhi Suzumiya doing here? She was much bigger before she moved to Canada." Oh good grief. I forgot that Nagato made it so Asakura-san, or Haruhi in this situation, transferred schools! I whispered to her, "Do something." "This is just a realistic-looking version of Haruhi Suzumiya," she told Asakura-san. Oh, for crying out loud, Nagato! With Asakura-san having Haruhi's personality now, there's no way she's going to-

"Oh, that makes sense. Yep, a doll of Haruhi."

She bought it!

"Anyway, I need to borrow your Math notes," Asakura-san continued. "I do not have any," Nagato told her bluntly. "WHAT?! THEN HOW THE HECK DO YOU STUDY?!" Asakura-san gasped. "SHUT UP!" Haruhi screamed. Wait a minute, _Haruhi _said that?

We all stared awkwardly at her, and she covered her mouth. Asakura-san, on the other hand, began to freak out. "What on earth? How did it talk? Dolls can't talk! On top of that, it sounded exactly like Haruhi! And what's with the balloon dog?!" she panicked, pointing at (believe it or not) Kimidori-san on the last sentence. "Well, you see-" Kimidori-san began, until Asakura-san cut him off with, "Shut up! I don't wanna hear anything out of a balloon dog!" She then paused and eventually asked, "Wait, you can talk?" "Uh, I mean… arf! Arf! Arf!" Kimidori-san quickly corrected himself. "Oh, so it can't talk. What I don't understand is why you're moving and a doll is talking!" Asakura-san cried to the balloon dog. Oh man, this is bad! If Asakura-san finds out about her new powers and the switcharoo, the world, as we know it, would come to an end!

Luckily for us, it was Nagato to the save again.

"You're probably hallucinating. If you go home and get some rest, you will get better."

Hallucinating? Really, Nagato?

"I'm not hallucinating. I know, because both of us know that Kyon has been uncharacteristically quiet during these few minutes," Asakura-san told her. Wow, I _have_ been quiet. I mean, I haven't said a single word since Asakura-san got here! Think of something, Kyon….

"Nagato's right, Asakura-san. You're probably hallucinating. I mean, that Haruhi doll is sitting right there, and I don't see any balloon dog. Do you, Nagato?" I asked Nagato. "No, I do not," she replied. As quickly as they could, Haruhi sat down, and Kimidori-san went and hid under the table in the amount of time it took for Asakura-san to blink twice. Then, she saw what Nagato and I supposedly saw. "Oh, you're right, Kyon. Thanks for snapping me out of that hallucination. But I better get home before I get really sick. Bye!" she thanked me before heading out the door. She thanked me for not snapping her out of a hallucination?!

As soon as she was gone, Kimidori-san poked his head out from under the table. "Can I come out now?" he asked. Nagato nodded, and he got out. That's when I decided to make my leave, as well.

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**Oh, that was TERRIBLE! I mean, hallucinating? I can seriously do better!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Konnichiwa, minna! Sorry this took so long. I actually had this chapter done for a long time, but I was too lazy to post it! Chapters 4 and 5 are already done, too, and I'll post them once I've got Chapter 2 of my K-On! fanfiction, "K-On Fanfiction", posted. I hope you all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya.**

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**Chapter Three**

It's been 2 weeks since Asakura-san replaced Haruhi. I was already missing the bigger Haruhi, but now I was about to start being pressured into getting her and Asakura-san to switch their positions back. But first, let me describe the club meeting that day.

When I got to the clubroom that day, Koizumi was already there, just waiting for someone to play Othello with him. No offense, but he _sucks _at it. As we played, Koizumi found the perfect opportunity to talk to me about something, what we were talking about didn't really surprise me at all.

"So, it's been 2 weeks since Asakura-san has replaced Suzumiya-san, huh? Some of the guys from the Agency reported that Suzumiya-san wasn't dead at all; she's just gone chibi," Koizumi explained.

"Yeah, I know. I figured that out when I visited Nagato the other day," I reported.

"Suzumiya-san still has memories about when she was God, but she somehow shares them with Asakura-san. If Asakura-san gets back her true memories, there's no doubt there will be trouble," he continued.

Oh, did I mention that Nagato wasn't in the clubroom at that moment (which is weird, because she's always the first one in the clubroom and reading a book)? Well, after Koizumi stopped talking, she finally decided to show up. However, you won't believe who she had with her!

"NO! PUT ME DOWN, YUKI! I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL!"

There, in Nagato's arms, trying to squirm out of her grasp, was the mini Haruhi. However, I couldn't help but notice that she's gotten a little….bigger. Just a tiny bit, but bigger.

"Haruhi Suzumiya has started to grow last night. She will start looking more and more like her old self, growing 1 inch each day, until finally, she is back to her original form. If Ryoko Asakura sees Haruhi Suzumiya in her original form, she will regain her true memories," Nagato explained in her monotone voice.

Haruhi finally managed to jump free from the alien's clutches and onto the Othello board, ruining the game for me and Koizumi, and announced, "All righty, etch-o-etch Brigade!" (I found the way she mispronounced "SOS" kind of adorable) "Let's all work hard to not make Asakura find out I'm still in Japan!"

That was when Asahina-san came in. Just in time, too, for Haruhi to jump on her breasts.

"Mikuru-chan! Thank goodness you're here! Quickly, look out the door for Asakura and warn us if she's coming!" Haruhi told her.

However, poor Asahina-san refused to listen. She was too busy crying her eyes out at the sight of a tiny pervert to listen to a word she was saying. I eventually got tiny Haruhi off of the poor girl's breasts and repeated what she had said. Asahina-san, understanding what I had said, did as she was told, re-opened the door (which she closed once she got in the clubroom), and watched for Asakura-san through it.

For a second, I thought I saw Asahina-san disappear, but she was back in the blink of an eye. It must have been my imagination, then.

Anyway, there was an awkward silence for a little while. Hell, in order to point this out, Haruhi even said, "Aw~kward."

Just a second later, Asahina-san turned back towards us, looking a little panicked, and announced, "She's coming!"

"Quickly, Yuki! Hide me!" Haruhi exclaimed.

Nagato, who had been playing some kind of eroge the entire time, took off her headphones, set her laptop on the table, and, though robotically, set mini-Haruhi under the table. Then, as if on cue, a ticked-off Asakura-san, who wouldn't say exactly _why_ she's mad, barged into the clubroom, pushing Asahina-san out of the way while she was at it. If I didn't rush over and catcher, she would have fell onto the floor and landed on her butt.

Now that I think about it, I haven't seen Asahina-san at all at school since Asakura-san had us search around the city for the supernatural. Asakura-san said that she must have come down with some long-term illness. Maybe she got better?

"If Suzumiya-san goes back to normal before she gets her original powers back…."

I could hear Asahina-san mumble those words under her breath before her voice trailed off.

_What will happen?_

That was the question on my mind throughout the rest of the club meeting, where we basically didn't do much the whole time. Asahina-san said she had something to tell me, so we ended up walking home together. Once the school was out of sight, she stopped walking. Once I noticed, I stopped as well, and I turned around due to the fact that I had walked a few steps ahead of her.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Kyon-kun, tell me the truth. Do I look like I'm about to disappear?" she asked.

At that moment, she looked as if she was going to fade away. As a response to her question, I nodded my head.

"I come from a future," Asahina-san explained, "where Suzumiya-san caused the time quake 4 years ago from this time plane. History is changing, since Asakura-san is in Suzumiya-san's place, so it means a different future. The future I come from is already fading away, but I haven't yet. However, if Suzumiya-san doesn't switch her powers back with Asakura-san before she grows back to normal…."

Asahina took a deep breath before finishing her explanation.

"….I'll disappear from this world."

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**I'm sorry. It's just that, wouldn't a certain event in the past change history? I actually like Mikuru, so I feel a little stupid about writing that part. Anyway, look forward to Chapter 4!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Konnichiwa, minna! Remember earlier this morning, when I posted Chapter 3 of this story? Well, here's Chapter 4! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.**

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**Chapter Four**

"…_.I'll disappear from this world."_

What Asahina-san had said echoed in my mind throughout the entire evening, and it kept doing that as time went by. Haruhi got larger, and Asahina-san stopped coming to school, due to the fact that she was disappearing more and more each day. But there was one day when the thought of her disappearing caused me to space out and not return to the real world until a certain girl yelled my name.

"KYON!"

When I finally returned to reality, I could see that the only ones in the classroom were me and Haruhi, who was back to normal.

…..HARUHI?!

"I can't believe it either, Kyon! I woke up this morning and saw that I was my normal size again!" she panicked.

"I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!" I shouted in her face.

"Anyway, Yuki said that Mikuru-chan has now disappeared from existence! I" (sob) "don't want to" (sob) "believe it!" Haruhi sobbed. Tears spilled out of her eyes like waterfalls.

I knew that since Haruhi was no longer Chibi Haruhi, Asahina-san has disappeared, as history has changed, but there was one thing I knew for sure. I just needed to convince Haruhi about it.

I stood up from my desk and grabbed Haruhi by the shoulders. Then, I told her what I knew.

"Asahina-san isn't gone forever. We can bring her back if we can get Asakura-san to switch positions with you again."

"What the heck are you talking about, you baka?!" Haruhi screamed.

"This whole mess happened because you wondered if you were the alien you were looking for this whole time, remember?" I explained. "If we get Asakura-san to wonder the same thing, everything should be back to normal."

"No."

I was shocked by her reaction.

"No, no, no! It might have done it before, but it's not going to work now! Mikuru-chan's gone forever!" Haruhi cried.

This is getting annoying. Haruhi's going to keep denying that Asahina-san will come back, so there _has_ to be some way to shut her up!

…Oh no. I have to do _that_ again.

I pulled her close to me and repeated a memory from when we were freshmen. I repeated what happened at the time that we were in that closed space.

I kissed Haruhi on the lips.

It was actually pretty good. Haruhi appeared to be returning the kiss, and I have to admit, she's a pretty good kisser.

Once we let go, she said, "Okay, I'm convinced. We need to come up with a plan to get Asakura and me to switch back, but first, why not a little more of _this_?"

Next thing I knew, we were kissing again! It was even better than the first and second kiss combined! Nothing could possibly ruin this moment.

_Clatter._

Never mind.

The school of a school bag falling filled my ears. I opened my eyes and let go of Haruhi's lips. Haruhi was staring at the doorway in shock, so I looked that way, as well.

It was Asakura-san, who was staring at us with an even shocked look on her face.

Just kidding. It was really Taniguchi, who had the same expression on his face. He was so shocked, he was basically frozen in his place.

"What should we do, Kyon?" Haruhi asked.

"Don't ask me," I replied.

Taniguchi finally basically unfroze and said, "Ooh, a love fest, eh? I was just coming back because I noticed that you were still here, and I wanted to walk you home. But I guess I can leave it up to Suzumiya…see ya!"

With those words, he left before I could chase him, leaving Haruhi and me in the classroom and an awkward silence filling the air.

"Hey, Kyon, do you want to make out?" Haruhi asked.

"Don't even think about it, Haruhi. How about we go home instead?" I suggested.

"Good idea," Haruhi agreed.

Thus, we left the school and headed home. On the way to my house, I dropped Haruhi off at Nagato's apartment. When I got home, my parents scolded me for the longest time possible. It seemed like forever it could happen, but finally, I went into my room and collapsed onto my bed.

I couldn't help but cry myself to sleep. My love, Asahina-san, was gone….

And the only way to get her back was to get Haruhi and Asakura-san to switch their positions back. Because of that, I knew one thing for sure: I had to get them to switch back before Asakura-san and Haruhi can encounter each other.

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**Chapter 4 is officially done! It's rather...short, but who have you got to judge? Sailor Moon? ...Sorry, I'm just listening to Sailor Moon music as I type this. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, because Chapter 5 is coming really soon! Don't worry, it won't be the last chapter, so you should still be looking forward to it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Konnichiwa, minna! This is Idolmaster Yamada, here to give you Chapter 5 of "The Melancholy of Ryoko Asakura"! I've already posted Chapters 3 and 4 today, and here's the fifth! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.**

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**Chapter Five**

"Remember, Haruhi. You need to hide yourself from Asakura-san."

"Roger!"

"…."

That was me, Haruhi, and Nagato, respectively (although Nagato wasn't talking at all). Because Haruhi had grown back to her original size, she's going to be transferring back to North High today, claiming that her father's company relocated back to Japan. I can believe that, but what I _can't_ believe is that she is going to be back into the same class as me and Asakura-san. So she doesn't regain her memories, I'm going to be covering her eyes the minute Haruhi enters the room.

And that's exactly what I did. Since Asakura-san's desk was behind mine, I had to stand up and run behind her to cover her eyes. Of course, I could have just turned around and covered her eyes, but I also wanted to see Haruhi-san…. Wait, Haruhi-_san_?!

Koizumi _did _say that Haruhi liked me, and she wanted to kill herself before this whole mess even started. I think…..I'm returning her feelings….No! I'm in love with Asahina-san! I'm also kind of interested in both Haruhi and Asakura-san, too….

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?! Not only for ending up liking 3 girls, but for getting off-topic!

Anyway, Okabe-sensei took notice of my actions and yelled, "Hey, Kyon! Take your hands off of Asakura's eyes and get back into your seat! There's no reason for her not to see Suzu-"

"There _is _a reason!" Haruhi blurted out, interrupting him.

Everyone else, who were also paying attention to me and Asakura-san, turned towards Haruhi to see what she had to say.

"Remember the beginning of the first year? Remember how Kyon was the only one that was able to talk to me- I mean, Asakura? Well, during my time at a foreign school, I was thinking about that, up to the point that I was mad at her for always just shooing me off like a fly. I don't even want her to look at me or hear my name," she "explained". Judging by the way she winked at me after that long speech full of lies, I….well, judging by what I just said, you probably already know.

Either way, like hell is he going to fall for-

"Okay, I believe you. Everyone, let's keep out new classmate's identity while she sits down at her seat, okay?"

Whoa, he bought it! Not only that, but he's having the entire class go along with it! Once Haruhi sat at her seat, I uncovered Asakura-san's eyes and sat down, with Okabe-sensei immediately beginning homeroom after that. Throughout the entire lesson, I prayed to God (although it is Asakura-san who is God at the moment) that the secret will be kept.

However, knowing Taniguchi, he _doesn't _keep secrets.

"Yo, Kyon. What were you and Suzumiya doing last night, anyway?"

That was what he asked me later that day at lunch. Luckily, we managed to keep Haruhi's identity a secret the entire time. _Un_luckily, Asakura-san was in the classroom and eating her lunch in the desk behind us (dang it!), meaning she heard the question.

Yeah, _that's _what I meant by Taniguchi not keeping secrets.

"What do you mean?"

"Y'know, Kyon was all spaced out yesterday, remember?" Taniguchi explained. "Well, it was about 5, and that was when I realized something was wrong. I called Kyon's parents, and they said he wasn't home! I figured that he was still all spaced out at the school, which is seriously out of character for him, so I went to the school to get him to snap out of it."

"Hmm….now that you mention it, Kyon didn't show his face to the SOA Brigade clubroom at all yesterday. Oddly enough, neither did Mikuru-chan," Asakura interrupted him.

I knew it! I _knew_ the SOS Brigade's name was changed to the SOA Brigade! Because, you know, since the extended version of the SOS Brigade's name is the "Saving the World by Overloading it with Fun Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade", it would only be fair that the name was changed to "Saving the World by Overloading it with Fun Ryoko Asakura Brigade" since Haruhi isn't the Brigade Leader anymore. Still, "SOS" makes much more sense than "SOA".

Alright, back to the story.

"Asakura, don't interrupt," Taniguchi continued, "because _this _is where it gets fishy. I finally get into the school and was looking into the classroom, and you won't believe what I saw! I saw Kyon snapped out of his trance, but you won't _believe_ what he was doing!"

I wanted to stop him, but it was too late.

"He was making out with Haruhi Suzumiya."

I facepalmed.

My life was over.

Or, at least, it would have been if I didn't save the day.

"You were probably imagining things. I clearly remember snapping out of my trance, going home, and doing my own thing. So yeah, you imagined it, Taniguchi."

There was silence over at this group of people eating lunch at that moment. Finally, Taniguchi broke this silence by saying, "Hmm….maybe I _did _imagine it. Never mind, then."

Phew, that was close.

The rest of the school day went by in a flash, and before I knew it, I was walking to the clubroom. For some reason, Haruhi decided to come along. She _knew_ that Asakura-san was going to be there, but she tagged along anyway.

"I just felt drawn to the clubroom since I've gone there every day up until the day I said I wanted to be an alien," she explained.

Liar. You just wanted to be with me, did you?

Eventually, we reached the clubroom. Luckily, the only one there besides us at that moment was Nagato.

"Hey, Yuki! How have you been doing?" Haruhi asked.

"…..I've been doing fine," Nagato replied.

"I see. I forgot for a sec that you came with me and Kyon to school," Haruhi said.

I had no idea what she was thinking at that moment, but immediately, Haruhi began to change her clothes. That was a signal for me to run out of the room, and that was when Koizumi showed up.

"Hey, Kyon. What's going on?" Koizumi asked.

"Don't go in there!" I exclaimed. I looked around for Asakura-san, and seeing that the coast was clear, I continued by whispering, "Haruhi returned to her normal size and is in the clubroom right now, changing into some outfit."

"What are you talking about?"

It was Koizumi who asked that question. It was the girl who suddenly appeared behind him who did.

Ryoko Asakura.

_Crap! She heard me! _I thought.

"Are you trying to say…..Haruhi Suzumiya has returned to Japan?!" Asakura-san asked in horror.

As I was trying to come up with an explanation, a voice was from the inside of the clubroom with unbelievably bad timing.

"You can come in now, Kyon!"

Haruhi didn't know Asakura-san was standing outside of the clubroom, so she gave me the signal to blow our cover. Admitting that my life was about to be over, I opened the door into the clubroom to see Haruhi, wearing the maid outfit Asahina-san always used to wear.

"Oh, yeah. I decided to wear this in order to trick Asakura into thinking I was Mikuru-chan!" Haruhi explained.

_Haruhi, you aren't fooling anyone, _I wanted to say, but I could only think.

"Oh, Koizumi-kun! You're here, too!" Haruhi exclaimed, apparently noticing Koizumi.

However, her face went from proud of herself to shocked when she came face-to-face with Asakura-san. Asakura-san had the same look on her face. Silence filled the clubroom, until finally, although her voice was faint, Asakura-san spoke.

"I remember everything now…."

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**All done! Don't worry, this isn't the last chapter; only 2 more chapters to go before it's finished! Oops, I just gave away a spoiler...oh well! Hope you enjoyed, and look forward to the final chapters!**


	6. Chapter 6

**The climax of "The Melancholy of Ryoko Asakura" is here! And by "climax", I mean the second-to-last chapter. If you read this chapter, you can see that it has so much romance, I _had_ to change the genre from "Drama" to "Romance!" I can't believe that I got 4 chapters of one story posted in 1 day! Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.**

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**Chapter Six**

Asakura-san, now in Haruhi's place, was face-to-face with Haruhi, now in Asakura-san's place. Or, perhaps, since Haruhi was in Asahina-san's maid outfit, she's in her place at the moment. Oh, never mind!

Anway, Koizumi immediately left the clubroom, saying he had something to do. I bet that "something" is fighting a closed space. Don't you think so? Just when I thought Nagato would help me in this situation, she closed the book she was reading and left, too. I tried to get her to come back, but before I knew it, she was gone. Darn it….

Before I knew it, Asakura-san, with an even firmer grasp than Haruhi could have ever had, grabbed my tie and began to drag me away, leaving Haruhi to scream my name. Asakura-san locked the door of the clubroom before leaving, so she had no ways of escaping. Soon, Asakura-san had dragged me into the classroom for Class 2-5, the class we are in, and locked the door.

Okay, I think I just lost interest in her.

"You know, Kyon," Asakura-san told me, "humans say that it's better to regret something you did rather than something you didn't do. That's when I asked you about last year when I attempted to kill you. And guess what? I'm going to try to kill you again, and this time, I'm going to succeed!"

"How? You don't even have a knife," I pointed out. She's so stupid for saying that she's going to kill me if she doesn't even have a knife!

All of a sudden, something on a desk next to Asakura-san shined, and said girl smiled creepily.

"Oh, look. A knife. Or, perhaps, I could use my new powers to kill you, but whatever."

Asakura-san picked up the knife and charged towards me, ready to stab me in the heart. The knife she was holding was about a millimeter away from its target when, all of a sudden, there was a crash!

The crash was actually the sound of glass breaking. Asakura-san looked at the window and quickly backed away from me, causing me to look where she was looking.

It was Haruhi! She had come to save me!

Wait a minute. How did she-?

I saw the answer to my question behind her. It was…..a broken window.

Ah, I see. She escaped through the window. She was still in the maid outfit, though.

"Release Kyon, Asakura!" Haruhi demanded.

Asakura-san smirked. "I knew it," she commented. "If Kyon-kun were to die, you would take some kind of action. I was right about that! The Data Integration Thought Entity will have an explosion of data now!"

"You do realize you're in my place now, right? I wasn't originally a part of the Data Integration Thought Entity, so you aren't anymore, either," Haruhi pointed out.

Apparently, Asakura-san had forgotten all about that. As a result, she fell flat on her face.

"I….I didn't think that far….." she admitted as she got up. "But still, I _will _kill Kyon!"

_Oh shit, I'm so gone, _I thought.

As Asakura-san lunged towards me, trying again to stab me in the heart, I just closed my eyes tightly. What was the point of running if it was God who was going to kill me? All of a sudden, I heard Haruhi yell.

"Stay away, Asakura!"

I opened my eyes to see that Haruhi had gotten in Asakura-san's way. The latter, shocked, dropped the knife.

"W-why? You're in my position, and I don't want to be the one who saves Kyon-kun's life; I want to be the one who ends it!" she screamed.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Haruhi cried. "If you want to even get close to Kyon, you're going to have to go through me first!"

Whoa. I never thought I'd _ever_ see _this _side of Haruhi. She's willing to sacrifice herself to save my life….yet she's in Asakura-san's position.

Wait a minute.

When I first met Asakura-san, I was a bit interested in her. I fell in love for Asahina-san later, but I wasn't really thinking about her the whole time this event was taking place. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I even love her anymore! Anyway, I suddenly fell for Haruhi while she was in Asakura-san's position. Before that, I've only seen her as an acquaintance, or perhaps a friend at times, despite the kiss in that closed space. It was while I was thinking about that when I realized the truth.

"Hehehe. Very well, Suzumiya-san," Asakura-san responded. "When I count to three, I'll snap my fingers, and you shall disappear from existence."

The tension was rising, and Haruhi was looking pretty scared. I had to say something fast, or we're both goners!

"One…two…thr-"

"Asakura-san!"

I suddenly yelled Asakura-san's name before she could say three. I looked at Haruhi, who looked back at me with sorrowful eyes and nodded of approval, and then approached Asakura-san.

"Before you tried to kill me in the previous reality," I told her, "I was interested in you a little bit. Even when you disappeared, I've been secretly hoping you would return not only into existence, but to the good side! What I'm trying to say is…."

I turned towards Haruhi again, who didn't seem to have a problem with what I was about to say, and back towards Asakura-san….I mean, Ryoko.

"I love you, Ryoko."

I meant what I said, too. It was I should have realized all along.

Ryoko just stared at me in the eyes before suddenly jumping onto me, forcing me onto the ground, and gave me her response.

"Kyon, I-I love you too. I always have, so I kind of regretted my choice to try and kill you earlier. My point is, I really do love you!"

All of a sudden, Ryoko's lips crashed onto mine. Her kiss was even better than all 3 kisses Haruhi had given me combined! As I returned the kiss, I prayed that Haruhi wasn't going to mind. After all, it wasn't her I had fallen in love with; it was Ryoko.

After our lips separated, all 3 of us decided it was time for us to go home. I was inbetween Haruhi and Ryoko as we walked out of the school. On our way home, you won't believe who we ran into!

"Kyon-kun! Suzumiya-san! Asakura-san!"

We were approached by none other than Asahina-san, who seemed to be excited about something. That was when it hit me: everything's back to normal!

"Oh, I see that you two haven't switched your positions back," she said, "but either way, I found myself lying on the sidewalk after being enveloped by darkness for so long. I also happen to know that by tomorrow, the world will be back to normal."

"She's right, Kyon," Haruhi said, "but not everyone will remember this happened."

"So here's a little something to make you remember this moment for sure," Ryoko added.

She and Asahina-san quickly switched the spots they were at before all 3 girls suddenly….kissed me! Asahina-san's kiss was on my right cheek, Haruhi's was on my left cheek, and Ryoko's was on my lips. I liked the kiss on the lips the most.

Just that one kiss can make a guy like me remember everything.

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**Chapter 6 is finished! Now that I think about it, this is the first time a story has reached 6 chapters...and it will be 7 most likely tomorrow! Hope you have enjoyed, and look forward to the final chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Konnichiwa, minna! This is Idolmaster Yamada, saying "This story is not over! It will have 1,000,000 chapters!" ...APRIL FOOLS! Sadly, this is the last chapter. I'd like to thank everyone who's supported this story, and I hope you enjoy this final chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.**

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**Chapter 7**

For the first time in a while, I managed to get a good night's sleep. I was dreaming about racing across a flower field against Ryoko...until I was awoken by a beeping sound.

Stupid alarm clock.

I turned that annoying thing off and got ready for school. As soon as I was out the door, memories of the whole "Haruhi-and-Ryoko-switching-places" incident flashed through my mind. I remembered everything!

I assumed Ryoko A_s_akura went back to being Ryoko A_ch_akura now that this is all over. However, on the way to school, I heard two girls talking.

"So I heard that there's going to be a new girl transferring to our school today!"

Since those girls were wearing North High uniforms, that could only mean there's anew girl at North High! I continued to listen to the conversation.

"Oh, cool! Which class?"

"I'm pretty sure it's Class 2-5."

"Now that I think about it, wasn't there a girl who suddenly transferred out of Class 1-5 last year?"

"You're not talking about Ryoko Asakura, are you?"

"Yes, yes I am."

"Hmm...what if _she_ was the transfer student?"

_Trust me, I want it to be her, _I thought. There was no way in hell I was going to actually _say_ it, though.

As soon as I got to school, I hurried into the classroom for Class 2-5, which is the class I'm in, and sat down in my seat. Surprisingly, the only ones there at the moment were me and Haruhi. Speaking of which...

"Kyon."

I turned towards Haruhi to see a rather sad smile on her face before she continued.

"Kyon, to be honest...I love you."

I wasn't surprised by what Haruhi had said at all. In the alternate reality, Koizumi had revealed that fact to me already.

"But," she continued, "I know that you're in love with someone else. I don't remember how I know, but if there _is_ a girl you like, go ahead and confess."

In just seconds after she finished talking, everyone else in the class came into the room and sat in their seats. A few seconds after the bell rang, Okabe-sensei burst ionto the room.

"Whoa! Sorry I'm late, class! I was just caught in a _huge_ traffic jam, so next thing you know, I got out of my car and had to run to get here!"

Okay, what sane person gets out of his car during a traffic jam?

"Anyway," he continued, "it seems as though a new student is transferring into our class...or should I say, transferring _back _into our class! It's Ryoko Asakura!"

The whole class was cheering as Ryoko entered the room. I couldn't believe my eyes or my ears; it _was_ her!

"Hey, everyone! Remember me?" Ryoko asked.

"No!" shouted some new kid who transferred here earlier this year, causing everyone, including me, to stare at him funny.

"My name," she continued, "is Ryoko Asakura. I'm looking forward to working hard with you all again!"

With that introduction, Ryoko sat down in her seat, allowing Okabe-sensei to begin class. I couldn't help but stare off into space; the only thing, or person, on my mind at the moment was Ryoko. Well, who could help it? I sure couldn't!

Anyway, the school day went by faster than I thought, and I was already on my way to the clubroom. Haruhi had already left before I did, so she wasn't with me like she was yesterday...in the alternate reality.

I was glad that the world was back to normal, but at the same time, I was disappointed that Ryoko wasn't the Brigade Leader anymore. Still, SO_S_ makes much more sense than SO_A_.

Anyway, when I finally arrived at the clubroom, I knocked on the door, and Asahina-san said, "Come in!"

So I did, and Asahina-san was in her maid outfit, making some tea. I never thought I would never see that sight again...not that I'm in love with her anymore, anyway! Meanwhile, Haruhi was playing a game on the computer, while Nagato was sitting in the corner, reading the book. No, wait, she just looked up from her book and at me with a look that said, "Come here." So I did, and Nagato began to talk to me in a voice so quiet, Haruhi couldn't hear her.

"I sincerely apologize for abandoning you in the alternate reality. However, now that we're back in the current reality, the only ones who remember the incident are you, me, Mikuru Asahina, Itsuki Koizumi, and a specific someone."

"What 'specific someone'? Do you even know who it is?" I asked.

"I do know who it is," Nagato explained, "but I have decided it is best that you figure it out yourself."

At that moment, Koizumi arrived, and we began a game of Othello. Asahina-san started serving tea right then, and it tasted great, as always. The setting of the clubroom has returned to normal.

All of a sudden, the door opened, and you're not going to believe who came in!

It was Ryoko Asakura!

"Excuse me, but I want to talk to Kyon-kun. Is it okay if he leaves the clubroom early today?" she asked.

I hoped that Haruhi was going to say yes, and surprisingly, she did! As I was about to leave, I could have sworn I heard Haruhi tell me, "Good luck!"

Good luck for what? That was the question I wanted to ask Haruhi, but I was out of the clubroom and following Ryoko out of the school before I could. As we walked home together, she began to speak.

"I remember everything that has happened in the alternate reality."

What Ryoko had said made it clear that the "specific someone" Nagato mentioned was her.

"But," she continued, "the only thing Haruhi Suzumiya remembers is the fact that we have fallen in love. If she finds out anything else, there will be trouble, so let's just pretend me and Suzumiya-san switching places in the first place never happened in the first place, okay?"

I nodded in agreement, and that was when we reached the apartment building Nagato lived at. Since Ryoko also lived there in the beginning, she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, waved goodbye to me, and went inside.

I arrived at my house a few minutes later, with my parents surprised to see me home early. I made an excuse, saying Haruhi wasn't feeling well and let us go early, which they believed. For the rest of the day, I began to think.

Does a goddess turning into an alien _always _lead to something like this?

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**DONE! ...I know, it isn't a very strong ending, but hey, this story is done! A sequel is being considered, but either way, I hope you enjoyed this, beginning to end!**


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